Juris Imprudence

 Tomorrow, I may or may not have to report for jury duty. I think this will be the third time in my life that I've been called, not including reporting as the defendant for my alleged jaywalking trial many years ago (which I won due to the arresting officer not showing up. That and I didn't actually jaywalk, I just got out of the way of a moving city bus that would have crushed me like a bug by moving to the other side of the street). I am not opposed to doing my civic duty and serving, but I also rely on public transit and we are supposed to have some nasty weather overnight, so I don't look forward to the logistics. 

I think that the legal system is in deep trouble enough without my contribution to it and I think it doesn't help that we are still in a pandemic where trying to pull a jury together is concerned. I tend to think of people who serve on juries as the best and worst of us. The best of us, in the sense, that jury duty is not a pleasure and yet, people want to serve anyway! That would be right up there with wanting to have the seat on a plane with the least amount of legroom--yes, it is still a plane ride, but do you really want to lose the sensation in your legs? It is the worst in us, in that it brings out the power-hunger, the conscious and unconscious bias we have, and also it is damned inconvenient. I tend to think that our juries are often like our state legislators, a few good ones, but most on the grift.

I also think I would likely be a pushover for any story that the defense attorney or prosecutor throws my way. I tend to be trusting of people who turn out to not be worth it. For instance, I thought Ted Bundy was a nice guy for offering people rides home. Also, I hope I never am on trial--firstly because I have NEVER done anything to really deserve one, but also, I would be terrible at defending myself. I'd likely say things like, "Well, I can see how you might think that, and..." or "On the night in question, I was sleeping on the couch. Can anyone verify that? Probably my wife can, but she can see the upside of me being in prison--no snoring. Am I right, Betsy?" Secondly, I don't look good in bright orange county jumpsuits. Thirdly, and most importantly, I would take a plea deal in an instant just to prevent my future from being in the hands of some yahoo who lives for "Law and Order: SVU."

Now, just between you and I, if I am called for jury duty, I am going to make sure to widely share this on social media. That way a mistrial can be called for much more quickly. Really, whoever is on trial would be the benefit of this moment of largesse. I am just trying to be a good citizen.