Editor's note: This was originally written for the "Roast of Iowa City" which the Little Village magazine sponsors in the fall. I was a day late and a dollar short in getting it turned in, but nonetheless, the time is ripe for sharing it (with some updates):
Dear Iowa City residents and the people who love them, 2014 has not been particularly kind to our fair city. Not only is UI not the number one party school, we have traded our former notoriety for a Defense Department leftover Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle. As you may have read, it was painted a glossy black—which is, of course, the new orange. The MRAP (not to be confused with 90's one-hit wonder "MmmBop"), has already been used to rescue two people from the early summer floodwater and no one was either mined or ambushed. Its big public debut was at the Johnson County Fair where area law enforcement officers donned the latest in tactical summer gear and worked the runway.
Builders' cranes were busily scraping the sky to showcase new growth on the horizon. The 201 building on the Ped Mall opened with expensive bedrooms and a view, while people street-level can now be fined for falling asleep on a tatted-up park bench. On the corner of Gilbert and College St., it is just a matter of time before some hulking form takes shape with more luxury and affordable units starting in the low six figures underwritten by tax dollars from the rest of us and an IOU.
In other Ped Mall doings, signs that say "We're glad you are here" do not apply to the huddled masses yearning for the Tobacco Bowl to be reincarnated. Also, the Wedge called it quits due to pizza envy by the City who will likely welcome a new addition to the University of Iowa in its place which will be at great way to increase Ped Mall real estate values when Herky-related shops and theme-restaurants fully take over downtown.
Local attorney Rockne Cole also ran but was not elected
to City Council. However, he made his presence felt by suing the city over the much-maligned
"15 story of glory" Chauncery project. He is also planning on running again for the City Council. I
don’t know if Rockne is aware that bringing suit to your possible future
employer is not a great idea unless you are looking forward to working in a
hostile work environment. Come to think
of it, for Rockne, it is a win/win proposition.
Culture and arts festivals have been steadily on the rise. With the Summer of the Arts taking a year-around focus, it won't be long before we'll enjoy “Recycle Fest” where the city combines “Rummage on the Ramp” with Kirk Ferentz's predictable calls on third down. Also next January, just in time for caucusing, the inaugural "Winter of Our Discontent" Festival will be taking place at area school gymnasiums and will continue through November of 2016.
Steadily on the raze are old buildings in the area which are being demolished to make room for the new and improved River Crossing area or SOBUR (South of Burlington) neighborhood. The old Saban school is on the list of teardowns as are three (make that two) civil war-era cottages that will be turned into a Hodge Proj. What is the sense of keeping anything old around when the kids want new views and a liquor store on the ground floor?
Finally, while 2014 is in its waning, it is not too early to begin to look ahead in the city. We have a woman Senator for Iowa--surprisingly she is not a Democrat, and possibly may slingshot Hillary Clinton, who surprisingly is one, to be nominated for President of the United States. Iowa could help elect two women at a national level. All eyes are eagerly on them. However, someone who knows what they have to look forward, UI President Sally Mason, is privately thinking, "Ladies, it isn't all just fun and games like hog castrations and having shoes thrown at you. You’ll have to smile and bear it with sour voters, rabid party zealots, strident campaign handlers, slick lobbyists, money bundlers, and all kinds of other special interests. Even so, count yourselves as very lucky. On your worst day, you still won’t have to deal with the impulses of Iowa’s Board of Regents."
Dear Iowa City residents and the people who love them, 2014 has not been particularly kind to our fair city. Not only is UI not the number one party school, we have traded our former notoriety for a Defense Department leftover Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle. As you may have read, it was painted a glossy black—which is, of course, the new orange. The MRAP (not to be confused with 90's one-hit wonder "MmmBop"), has already been used to rescue two people from the early summer floodwater and no one was either mined or ambushed. Its big public debut was at the Johnson County Fair where area law enforcement officers donned the latest in tactical summer gear and worked the runway.
Builders' cranes were busily scraping the sky to showcase new growth on the horizon. The 201 building on the Ped Mall opened with expensive bedrooms and a view, while people street-level can now be fined for falling asleep on a tatted-up park bench. On the corner of Gilbert and College St., it is just a matter of time before some hulking form takes shape with more luxury and affordable units starting in the low six figures underwritten by tax dollars from the rest of us and an IOU.
In other Ped Mall doings, signs that say "We're glad you are here" do not apply to the huddled masses yearning for the Tobacco Bowl to be reincarnated. Also, the Wedge called it quits due to pizza envy by the City who will likely welcome a new addition to the University of Iowa in its place which will be at great way to increase Ped Mall real estate values when Herky-related shops and theme-restaurants fully take over downtown.
The schoolboard has been busy naming schools and trying to keep the band
together after one member resigned for personal reasons, another was involved in
professional misconduct , and a third was arrested for a domestic assault
charge that was thankfully later dropped. Inspired
by the leadership, a student in 8th period detention at West High is
now considering a run for the school board.
Diversity continues to be a hot issue in Iowa City as South
Carolina transplant and UI Law School grad Kingsley Botchway was elected to the
City Council while Saginaw, Michigan native Royce Anne Porter was not. This
proved that you can appoint a person from Michigan to a high appointed office (Tom Markus),
but can’t elect one from there. And we said goodbye to Ross Wilburn, the first
African-American mayor of our city. He is moving to Ames for a great job
opportunity—he will be running for Governor of Iowa in 2018.
While area social agencies had a hard year, Iowa City did
see an increase in "meals on wheels" by adding so many more food
truck licenses so that, instead a few people barely being able to support
themselves, now a lot more people can enjoy working long hours for next to
nothing, also known as joining the “start-up” revolution. I use “start-up”
loosely, if you’ve been near the "Local Burrito" truck, you may well understand
why they advertise they “will work for jumper cables.”
Speaking of business incubation, ICAD executive director,
Mark Nolte, has reported CoLab entrepreneurs are working on microbrew coffee
and iPhone charging stations next to parking spaces with ZIP cars
downtown. When asked why, Nolte said it
was “a creative use of premium infill space and good for economic development “and
city staff and a handful of City Council members immediately had prolonged orgasms.
In other news, the Press-Citizen lost one of its best
reporters to the Johnson County Crisis Center. Adam Sullivan said upon
accepting the Communications Director position, “I wanted a job with a real future
and business at the Crisis Center is unbelievably good.” When it was explained
to Adam that the Crisis Center is a non-profit organization and depends on
generous donations to stay afloat and meet the needs of clients, he amended his
earlier statement to the following, “I see this as a lateral move and please
Link In with me if you hear about any job opportunities.”
Little Lending Libraries of various shapes and sizes continued to pop up on lawns around town. The idea was originally attributed to the Little Parking Lots that are located all along Melrose Ave. on Game Day where you can park your car for a small donation and take a large piece of the grass when you leave. As a public service I have been asked by ICPL and UI to remind patrons that Little Libraries cannot be used for returning materials checked out from either library or for paying overdue fines. The are both fine with you sleeping in one, if you can squeeze into one.
Little Lending Libraries of various shapes and sizes continued to pop up on lawns around town. The idea was originally attributed to the Little Parking Lots that are located all along Melrose Ave. on Game Day where you can park your car for a small donation and take a large piece of the grass when you leave. As a public service I have been asked by ICPL and UI to remind patrons that Little Libraries cannot be used for returning materials checked out from either library or for paying overdue fines. The are both fine with you sleeping in one, if you can squeeze into one.
It was a good year for the arts. FilmScene opened their
doors and proved that even the most uncomfortable chairs can be made to feel
better when film goers are plied with enough craft brews. Public Space One
found a new home in the Wesley Center where local homeless still think it is
the Free Lunch program with better graphics and a limited menu. "Herkys on
Parade" were brought back and updated. A couple of them were vandalized.
The rest just looked that way.
Culture and arts festivals have been steadily on the rise. With the Summer of the Arts taking a year-around focus, it won't be long before we'll enjoy “Recycle Fest” where the city combines “Rummage on the Ramp” with Kirk Ferentz's predictable calls on third down. Also next January, just in time for caucusing, the inaugural "Winter of Our Discontent" Festival will be taking place at area school gymnasiums and will continue through November of 2016.
Steadily on the raze are old buildings in the area which are being demolished to make room for the new and improved River Crossing area or SOBUR (South of Burlington) neighborhood. The old Saban school is on the list of teardowns as are three (make that two) civil war-era cottages that will be turned into a Hodge Proj. What is the sense of keeping anything old around when the kids want new views and a liquor store on the ground floor?
Finally, while 2014 is in its waning, it is not too early to begin to look ahead in the city. We have a woman Senator for Iowa--surprisingly she is not a Democrat, and possibly may slingshot Hillary Clinton, who surprisingly is one, to be nominated for President of the United States. Iowa could help elect two women at a national level. All eyes are eagerly on them. However, someone who knows what they have to look forward, UI President Sally Mason, is privately thinking, "Ladies, it isn't all just fun and games like hog castrations and having shoes thrown at you. You’ll have to smile and bear it with sour voters, rabid party zealots, strident campaign handlers, slick lobbyists, money bundlers, and all kinds of other special interests. Even so, count yourselves as very lucky. On your worst day, you still won’t have to deal with the impulses of Iowa’s Board of Regents."
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the good, the bad, the indifferent
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